SOS: The Menace of Cyber-Stalking
- bhaines18
- Mar 13, 2024
- 12 min read
Hopefully you all enjoyed Parts 1 and 2 of my stalking blog. This is the final instalment and is going to focus on cyber-stalking. I recently watched 'Can I Tell You A Secret?' on Netflix and was horrified at what the survivors had been through. I also interviewed two survivors of cyber-stalking and gained a better understanding of what cyber-stalking is and the impact it has.
What is Cyber-Stalking?
Technology has provided stalkers with a way to continue their campaigns online with a certain degree of anonymity.
Cyberstalking is a serious crime, with the stalker using the internet (sometimes via social media platforms or gaming platforms) to harass, intimidate or frighten their victim with persistent and unwanted electronic communications or surveillance.
Cyber-stalking behaviours can include:
Someone constantly checking in on you and trying to get your attention even when you make it clear that you're not interested.
Someone making repeated unwanted contact with you by calling, emailing, texting, messaging, or asking inappropriate questions.
Someone repeatedly sending, posting or sharing unwanted sexual requests, sexual or offensive content, abusive comments, or false accusations to or about you.
Someone monitoring your movements using the location (GPS) technologies that are built into your phone and fitness apps, or using tracking devices or spyware.
Someone following or contacting you across multiple online accounts and making it known they can’t hide.
Someone accessing or hacking your online accounts to find personal information, track your movements, read your emails or messages, or change your passwords to lock you out of your own accounts.
Someone ‘gaslighting’ you by changing your environment in small ways that are difficult to prove to others, such as using remotes to turn internet-connected devices on and off within your home.
Tattoo Terror: How I Was Stalked By My Client
Woman F was unfortunate to fall victim to two stalkers. But, her inner strength allowed her to survive, and she has bravely told her story to help raise awareness of cyber-stalking and how it effects the victim. Woman F is a successful and talented tattoo artist. She had been tattooing her stalker for a few years before she fell victim to her in 2021. The maliciousness of her stalker got so bad that she burnt off her own tattoo and tried to blame Woman F for the injury.
Looking back on her experiences Woman F noticed that her stalker had quickly tried to befriend her and this was new to Woman F. "Looking back now she was quite an intense person. She would bring me things or turn up at my shop with gifts … message me out with appointment times. In my years of tattooing, I've not experienced anything like that many times." Cyber-stalking is an issue that effects millions of people, globally, every year. 60% of cyber-stalking survivors are female and around 70% of the perpetrators are known to the victim/target.
Woman F spent the next eighteen months enduring her stalker's targeted attacks. Statistics show that nearly 60% of survivors endure their stalker's online attacks for a year or longer. After a bad breakup, Woman F's stalker took the opportunity to insert herself into Woman F's life with the intention of being a permanent fixture. "I had become her friend and had done a few things with her, socially, and she'd even be at my house a few times. In between that time, I'd had a bad breakup and she sort of infiltrated herself into my life at that point, on purpose. I think she thought this is my chance. She sort of was there very permanently." Woman F's stalker began to bombard her with messages; "Like all the time messaging me … she just wouldn't leave me alone and if there was any lull in messages, from my side, she would say something is wrong with her or come in with reasons that I needed to get back to her." Woman F very quickly realised that this behaviour wasn't normal.
"I would say it was a few months after that, that I thought there's just something not right with this person … and I was like this' not right."
Woman F recognised that the friendship was unhealthy but didn't know how to safely end the friendship. "I need out of this friendship, and I don't know how to do it without causing a problem with this person. So I had sort of thought, after a few horrendous incidents with her, right I have to get away from this person. I kind of need out. So, I had messaged her being like this friendship has come to an end and I need to cancel our holiday." Around two weeks later, Woman F began to receive a number of negative business reviews about her work as a tattoo artist. Calls to social services were made as well. A survey, published in 2016, by the University of Bedfordshire found that 80% of cyber-stalking victims feared having information compiled against them by their stalker. 38% of respondents feared having their reputations damaged by their stalker. "It was about two weeks after that, that the bad reviews, the phone calls reporting me to social services started. That was when it really escalated with terrible behaviour, with bombarding me with messages from fake accounts, fake appointments, and fake reviews." Woman F later found out that her stalker had been targeting her business before the end of the friendship. "But I actually found out, after, that there had been other things previous to that. I just hadn't realised that it was her. I thought it was like real clients, and real reviews, and real things happening, and I had been upset about it. But it wasn't, it was her."
Woman F described the effects it had on her business and her emotionally. Her stalker had set her sights on destroying Woman F's career. Not only was she writing fake negative reviews, she had also began impersonating her on social media. "That's when I started to get really scared. I am a really emotional person and it was awful. I say scared and I realised she wasn't coming down and battering my door down but that was my career she was going [for] and I was extremely stressed."
"Then when I got the phone call from social services, I was like this woman is truly trying to ruin my life. She's trying to get my children taken away from me, she's trying to destroy my life, financially, and my business. Yeah, I was pretty terrified."
The Scottish Crime and Justice Survey, conducted in 2018, found that 94% of respondents said they had changed their life or work patterns. A further 53% of respondents said they had changed or left their job due to their stalker.
Woman F went onto describe an incident in 2022, where her stalker had burnt off her tattoo on her arm (that Woman F had previously done for her). Her stalker paraded pictures of her burnt arm on social media and blamed Woman F for giving her an infection.
"She burnt a tattoo off her own arm and paraded it around, online, saying I had done it."
Woman F's experience is something that's depicted in films, but you never expect it to happen in real life. It highlights the fact that anyone can fall victim to a stalker. 11% of adults in Scotland have experienced being stalked and around 20% of that number are men. Woman F's ordeal with her stalker is undoubtedly terrifying but she started to notice a pattern in her stalker's behaviour. Her stalker's activities seemed to slow down and then it would start back up with a vengeance. In my opinion, Woman F's stalker was lulling her into a false sense of security and enjoyed playing on Woman F's fear and emotions. "By that time (October, 2022) it had started to really slow down too. So, for a few months it was really intense and proper mental. Some days I was having I was having to block people on multiple social media platforms. Then I would think it was over, but something would happen. She would send me a card saying 'I miss you'." Women F added:
"This friend told me that she was utterly obsessed. She had pictures of me in her house. It's so fucking weird! This' the type of thing that's completely over your head."
Woman F described how her stalker was smart in the way she operated. This seems to be a common theme across all the interviews. "Although I hate to admit it, these people are really clever." She also described how her stalker was obsessed with certain television shows. "Apparently she used to be obsessed with shows like 'Catfish'." This brings into question whether shows like this are harmful or helpful? Although they are good entertainment is it possible that they could encourage a stalker? or show them new ways to target someone? "I was like what is happening to me? I was beginning to think am I being filmed? As some sort of experiment. It was just so awful … this girl was completely different. She messaged my friends, my family, and my sister saying that I was losing my mind and that I was a danger to my children. She made an Instagram [profile] that was very similar to mine and messaged people saying nasty things. I was scared to look at my phone in the morning because of what might have happened."
Although it may be perceived that online stalking isn't as a big of a threat as physical stalking. This perception is completely wrong! Action Against Stalking found that 25% of stalking survivors experience suicidal thoughts. Furthermore The National Research Centre for Cyber-Stalking Research conducted a study, in 2015. 44.9% of respondents, who were cyber-stalking victims, experienced symptoms linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Woman F described the impact of her experiences; "For a long time afterwards, because I'm quite a chatty and open person, when I was stalking to clients I was so private. Never saying my kids' names, never talking about myself … I was so terrified that I'd given too much away and that it was my fault. Even now, to the point that it's hard to trust people in general … It's made me, a completely, paranoid person. If I would go places where I think she might be my anxiety is horrific. In fact there are comedy shows that I've stopped going to because I think she might be there." Even now, Woman F worries that her stalker hasn't finished with her. "Sometimes I'll get a weird follower, or review and think is that her? It's been a long time now."
Although Woman F has gone through a really traumatic ordeal and has been a victim of a number of targeted online attacks. She feels pity towards her stalker, rather than anger or hate. "I feel really relieved that it stopped. I used to just feel pure anger towards her. Not even anger, more frustration. But as time has gone on and I've gone through other things with a different type of stalker … I think she's done it to other people and I think there's something, clearly, wrong with her. Because you don't do that to somebody without there being something wrong. Now, I just feel pity, because she's going to continue to do that and she's never had any friends and doesn't have a lot of family. So, I'm assuming she's got a sad existence and clings on to people and then when they don't want her anymore she, then, utterly spirals." This shows the incredible mental strength of Woman F and how caring she is. To be able to view her stalker as a victim of mental health, rather than just a bad person shows how insightful Woman F is. Rather than blaming her stalker, Woman F blames the legal system for not protecting her more. "Afterwards I read something about a [TV] presenter being stalked along with different celebrities. The guy went to jail and I think it was the first of it's kind. He went to jail for eight years for online stalking. I remember seeing it and thinking we need more of this. Just because that woman didn't pose a physical threat to me, doesn't mean she wasn't destroying my life. It's not like on TV when you see someone looking up a computer and going on their Facebook and going it's her. It's not like that, they just say 'we don't know who's doing this' or 'how do you know it's her doing it'. It's anonymous, it's fake. I mean, of course, I know who's doing it. I've never had any other issues in my life.
Woman F's story hit a chord with me. Stalking is still a taboo subject (just like domestic abuse has been) and cyber-stalking is even more so. As Woman F said, just because it wasn't physical doesn't mean it's acceptable. Police Scotland's website states that there is no legal definition of stalking but describes it as: "Two or more behaviours directed towards a victim which cause/are intended to cause/or where the perpetrators' behaviour is reckless as to whether it causes the victim to suffer fear and alarm. 'Fear and alarm' are psychological or physical harm. It is also fear for your safety." According to a reputable Scottish law firm: "To prove an allegation of harassment, a criminal lawyer will need to show the alleged victim has been suffering from unwanted conduct by another person. This conduct must cause the alleged victim distress or alarm. This could be the types of online or in-person crimes mentioned above, but really anything that creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment." Woman F's experience checks all the boxes, so why wasn't more done to protect her?
Am I Being Cyber-Stalked?
Receiving repeated unwanted and annoying messages or starting to feel that you are being harassed? This could be signs that you are being cyber-stalked.
The perpetrator could be anyone. Such as:
A stranger
An acquaintance (someone you have met, but you are not friends with)
Someone you know (a friend, family member or carer)
A partner or ex-partner.
The following are warning signs that may indicate that you are being cyberstalked:
Someone that doesn't take NO for an answer.
If you have made it clear that you are not interested, don’t want to be contacted by someone or have simply ignored their messages. But this person doesn’t take no for an answer and keeps sending messages or trying to contact you.
Someone that engages with every social media post that you make.
The same person’s name keeps popping up in your notifications all the time? On every service or platform that you use?
Someone that tries to follow your family and friends on social media.
You have unfriended or unfollowed someone or have not accepted their requests, so they try to get inside your social network to monitor your social life and check where you are and what you are doing.
Someone that constantly asks where you are and what you are doing.
Someone you know (such as a partner or ex-partner) is constantly posting or sending messages that are harassing, threatening or demanding, such as ‘What are you doing?’, ‘Who are you with?’, ‘Where are you?’, 'If you don't get home soon I'm coming to find you.' They may also start contacting friends or family to check up on you.
Someone that wants to rescue you.
If you are being threatened or receiving unwanted contact and someone steps in to offer advice and support, but they seem to know a lot about what is going on. Their intention is to separate you from your social circles, so they can come to ‘rescue’ you, making you grateful and trusting even though they are secretly the one who caused the problem.
Will My Cyber-Stalker Ever Leave Me Alone?
Woman E ended a relationship, in 2022, and ever since she's been targeted by her ex. For two years Woman E has been the target in a campaign of cyber-stalking that still continues to this day. Will it ever end?
A survey published in 2002 found that of 500 victims (of online abuse or cyber-stalking), 40% of respondents confirmed that their abuse/stalking lasted longer than two years. Woman E is unfortunately another number to add to the statistics. She described how it all started after ending her relationship with her boyfriend. "When my ex and I broke up, he would intentionally walk the same way I would. He also started to make fake [social media] profiles and follow all my socials … He also has tried, multiple times, to hack into my accounts." However, Woman E considers herself as lucky;
"I was lucky. I know loads of people that have had way more serious things happen to them with stalkers."
Although the stalking, mainly, took place online it was nonetheless terrifying. A survey conducted, in 2010, found that 50% of respondents who had endured cyber-abuse/cyber-stalking experienced symptoms linked to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Statistics also show that cyber-stalking is not only hard to prosecute but is rarely acted upon by the police. A 2022 study found that one third of respondents (33%) claimed the police recognised the abuse as a crime. Another third of respondents (33%) claimed the police didn't investigate the offences. A further 16% of respondents claimed that no action was taken by the police after they had conducted an investigation. Less than a quarter of respondents (23%) felt that they were kept fully informed about their case's progression by the police. Woman E felt that because most of the offences were committed online that they would be too hard to prove in a court room. "I did phone the police, at one time, as my card had been used by the DVLA. I don't have a car so I called them. They told me that due to data protection guidelines they couldn't tell me who used the car and advised [me] to call the police. I was angry, but I called and explained what was going on. The police, at this point, spoke to the DVLA and I got my money back."
"But, they told me that because there was and is no threat of violence, that nothing could be done. I had told them everything and even emailed some screenshots ... But they told me that they couldn't do anything until he threatened me."
Woman E further went onto say: "I still have the case number saved in case. That was in October 2022, and as early as December 16th. I think I'm still getting emails saying someone has either tried to sign into my Facebook or tried to reset the password. There's not really anything that can be done, with the digital stuff, not unless it's life threatening or like revenge porn."
Woman E still worries about her stalker and stated: "There's things on my socials I don't want him to know about. Things in my emails and other places. I've blocked him on everything, obviously, but I don't want him knowing I'm happy or when I go travelling."
"I'm worried that, one day, this won't be enough for him and he starts to do worse things."
Like many stalking survivors, Woman E described her stalker as smart. "He knows what socials to attack. The ones that I can't prove."
Woman E shouldn't have to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety, worrying over what her stalker will do next. No one should! This interview highlights the failings in the laws, surrounding cyber-stalking, and the general lack of faith in the police.
Help! I'm Being Cyber-Stalked:
Cyberstalking is dangerous! It can pose a real threat to your emotional and physical safety develop into physical abuse. Do not wait to report cyber-stalking.
However, if you do not feel that you're in the position to report it. There are other steps you can take:
Collect evidence:
Collect evidence by taking a screenshot or a screen recording of the chat or post. If you later decide to report it you might need it as evidence.
Report abusive/harmful content and any fake profiles:
Report abusive posts or profiles to the app, or social media platform. You can do the same for any fake social media profiles too.
Prevent future contact:
Once you have collected evidence, you can use in-app functions or the settings on the web browser to mute, unfollow or block the other person and change your privacy settings.
Get help/support:
Experiencing or helping someone who has experienced serious online abuse can be very distressing. The pink button below will direct you to a list of numbers where you can receive emotional and practical support.
Prevention Tips:
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